Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Advice on Long-Distance Relationships
As said in the immortal words of Soulja Boy, “kiss me through the phone,” distance can be dealt with in any relationship. A long-distance relationship has its ups and downs, as any normal relationship does. It all depends on your attitude and how you treat yourself. I have been doing long-distance for a couple of years now and have learned so much about myself and our relationship. Here are the biggest takeaways from my experience.
Growth:
I have been dating my boyfriend for three years, and we have been long-distance for about two of those years. During this time, we have had to learn to adapt to being apart. In college, you will learn more about yourself than you will ever learn in a classroom, and the same happens for your partner. Since the beginning of freshman year, I have changed my major four times. My interests have changed with every class and experience. As a result, my self-confidence has grown the most. Without my partner present, I realized I need my confidence to come from myself, not from him or anyone else. In the past, I was very dependent on his reassurance because I based my self-worth on his approval. I asked his opinion on the most trivial things, like picking between two shirts or a new pair of shoes. I came to realize that in order to boost my confidence, I needed to decide these things for myself. When we started long distance, I was forced to own my decisions. Through this, I learned my style, and I began to carry myself with confidence. This newfound confidence helped me feel more comfortable with my partner and led to better communication between us. We could talk openly about anything. It encouraged a supportive attitude, rather than one that needed approval, which helped ease the transition. Taking this time apart to become a strong, independent individual is so important. While it might sound daunting, separation is not as scary as you think. I am sure you have heard the phrase, “you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.” It does take some getting used to, but with a little bit of patience and confidence, it becomes a bit easier every day.
My mistakes:
We all make mistakes in a relationship. Obviously, nobody is perfect, and I have made my fair share of mistakes, but if I could offer any advice, it would be to avoid isolating yourself and not to let fear control your life. Freshman year, I consistently chose to be alone rather than go out with friends, just in case my partner needed me. Being alone is great when you need it, but not when you are already lonely. I remember never being present with my friends because I was always on my phone. I would stop mid-conversation to answer a text. I would cancel plans all the time, and I felt very flaky. It was the fear of not being there if my partner wanted to talk to me. I used to talk to him constantly during the summer, and this sudden change made me hesitant to miss any opportunity to talk to him. Until the middle of the spring semester of freshman year, I had not done much and was not involved whatsoever. My friends encouraged me to go with them on a spontaneous beach trip, which was the opposite of what I had become accustomed to. After some motivation, I caved and said yes. The trip was the most fun I had all of my freshman year, and it forced me to stop being so glued to my phone. I realized this separation from my phone was exactly what I needed. It helped me to overcome the fear of not being there constantly. After that, I got much more involved. I got a job, joined a sorority, and joined clubs. My advice would be to find hobbies, join clubs, go on walks, explore the campus, anything to keep your mind off the distance. Enjoy yourself because this will benefit your relationship, and college only lasts so long. If you are happy, you can make others happy. Stay active and engaged with friends, and it will help more than you realize. You can best help your relationship by helping yourself. Go out and have fun.
See the positives:
Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Enjoy the moments together and look towards the future. I always get so excited when my partner comes to Auburn because I get to show him my favorite restaurants, shops, hikes, parks, and walk around campus. He gets to meet with my friends and see how I’m involved on campus. The same goes when I go to visit him. It's like a little taste of their world. It's so exciting to show him everything I love to do. Another positive is that distance gives you a deeper relationship than ever. We have developed something more than physical. It builds friendship and trust more than anything. My favorite thing my partner and I have is our shared Spotify playlist. We had it before we went long-distance, but now I find it more useful than ever. It allows us to share our current favorite songs and listen to them whenever we miss each other. It has over 55 hours of music now, and I always add new music. If you can find little things, like sharing music, they help with the separation. If you look for the positives, you can easily find them. Of course, it is not an ideal situation, but if you can’t value the positives more than the negatives, it will never work out.
Conclusion:
In the beginning, it will hurt. Embrace that you have something important enough to miss. It's more than okay to be sad, but it is best not to let it consume you. I am far from perfect and still face challenges every day, so another thing I would add is to not be too hard on yourself. You both need to live your lives. If it is meant to be, it will be. Practice patience with each other and be positive. I wish you and your partner the very best, and hope my advice will help!
Be Well, Auburn.
